I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can I color on your dick again?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
