Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The air was thick with penises
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
