i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize