We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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