Yo dont text me then not text me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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