I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just crazy horny about you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
