they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
