if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
