I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
