I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
