Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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