What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
