I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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