can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
