the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
