So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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