i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
