When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
