dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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