Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
