I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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