Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
