Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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