I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
