first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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