I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
