i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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