Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have demons in me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
