I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
