How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
