I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Less talking, more tequila
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
