She is in my trunk
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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