Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
