I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
