Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
