We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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