If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
