So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
