Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
