I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
