you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
