a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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