thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
