i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
