Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
