My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
