i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
