How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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