He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
