I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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