R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
