i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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