We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
