the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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