I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
