Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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