i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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