the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
