Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
