I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
high people should be assigned attendants
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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