evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
