I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize