You're so nebulous sometimes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize