Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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