I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize