yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
